Chemical waria: The Practices of Transgender Youth in Indonesia to Become Like Women

Abstract

Harm reduction programs and policies tend to take focus on the misuse and overuse of psychotropic substances, which have limited medical benefits, many side-effects, and most importantly cause physical dependence. This paper deals with a different kind of dependence on chemical products. It describes the use of hormones and skin whitening creams by male to female transgenders, so called waria, in Indonesia, not for pleasure but out of a felt necessity to be ???like women???. 
 
 Studies of transgender men and women have often focused on their gender identities, elucidating how societies differ in their acceptance of gender ambiguity (Besnier and Alexeyeff 2013, Graham-Davies 2010, Sinnott 2004, Koon 2002, Johnson 1997; Nanda 2000; Nanda 1990). Waria, in Indonesia, are not giving in to societal norms on how bodies should be, but rather resisting prescribed gender-body images. They experience a dissonance between their female jiwa (soul) and a male body, which they try to resolve through feminizing their body. Having a waria identity is not a new phenomenon in the country. The Dutch ethnologist Hendrik Chabot describes how during his field work in the 1940s he found ???a woman who did not feel at ease with her own sex. She wore hair like a woman, but a sarong like a man?????? (Chabot 1996:190). Chabot was surprised that her family accepted these transgressions of her sex-role. 
 
 Since the waria subject position is well-known in Indonesia, most waria???s begin identifying as such while children. It is important to note that waria subjectivity is an attribute of male bodies, and that even though waria usually have sex with ???real??? men, they are not seen to be gay. In fact their sexual orientation is somewhat ambiguous. Many waria, though wanting to appear ???like??? women, enjoy penetrating their sexual partners (Oetomo 2000). Bodily presentation appears more important than sexual acts in asserting their femininity (Boellstorff 2005). Josephine Ho???s study look at transgender practice of modifying body in a more complex practices through cross-dressing, hormonal therapy, sexual reassignment surgery, or other procedures.
 
 To overcome the tension between their male bodies and female selves, waria perform femininity -- they dress, talk and walk like women -- and they tinker with their physical bodies. Lacking access to sex reversal surgery, they resort to contraceptive pills and injections (in high dosages) to make breasts and to many different creams to achieve light skins and treat the pimples caused by the hormones. Such tinkering has been explored by Don Kulick (1998) in Brazil, who describes vividly how self-taught bombadeiras (pumpers) inject liters of industrial silicone into hips and breasts of travesti to achieve desired body shapes. Jacqueline Ho (2006) addressed the practices of cross-dressing, hormonal therapy, sexual reassignment surgery and other procedures in Taiwan. It explores how male-to-female transgenders aimed to mismatch between their body and soul as the formation of self and identity. But, unrealistic dream to become women, the unexpected result of body modification, and the difficulty to exhibit normative sex-gender-sexuality alignment would apparently lead them to commit suicide. Furthermore, within highly sensitized gender atmosphere, male-to-female trans is seen as psychotically criminal by intention. They experienced limited body-soul imagery and bodies as the physical embodiment of self failed to establish their feeling of ???at-homeness???.
 
 Our research shows that wariado not want to be women; they want to change their physical appearance to be ???like women???. This entails ???covering??? their masculine bodies, which in this context is associated with the notion of dandan ??? literally (heavy) make up. Our informants often repeated that their true identities become visible when they are dandan. What mattered most was to have smooth, fair skin and to grow beautiful breasts. Towards these ends, they turned to skin-whitening products, including products contain potentially harmful ingredients, as well as the off-label use of contraceptive hormones, through which material body is decorated and reshaped, and experimenting through self-treatment. They assert amazing agency in finding the products, and dosage forms that work for them, but they are continuously confronted with severe side effects. They develop strategies to minimize side effects while achieving the bodily endpoints. 
 
 Side-effects of hormonal drugs used by male-to-female transgenders have been described in a growing body of studies conducted in formal gender care settings (Paul et al. 1997; Wierckx et. al 2012). It has become clear that the cross-sex hormone therapies are associated with increased rates of cardiovascular disorders, osteoporosis, and cancers. However, harm reduction programs in Indonesia have not included this information in their educational campaigns. Educational programs and research to support it rather focus on the sexual risks associated with being a waria, in respose to HIV prevalence surveys (IBBS 2011) which show that waria are among the most at risk groups (Slamah et al. 2010)